I've tried so hard to avoid the cliche, "the holidays are the hardest time of year when you've lost someone. I've tried to insist that EVERY day sucks the same as the day before. I miss my mom every fucking day. But I have to admit that Christmas really does amplify the loss.
I've always been especially excited to buy thoughtful things for my mom... I get that from her.
See me hovering...
I almost never made it to a birthday or Christmas without trying to make her open presents days or weeks early. She rarely did. This time two years ago I was financially flush and able to splurge on really nice gifts. I tried to make her open almost every gift many days before Christmas. It was a good haul for all of us that year and a jolly holiday spent eating too much, playing Wii and laughing lots.
It's a major award!
It was our last real Christmas. Sure, she wasn't gone yet last Christmas, but I challenge anyone who says it was a holiday last year. We were a sad sight. December 2011 was a time of heart attacks and no merry, no jolly, no hope, no joy.
This year isn't very different.
I am unable to find any real meaning in happy holidays.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment